Monday, March 06, 2006

My experiments with truth

04/09/2005
Bangalore

Finally, my corporate honeymoon has come to an end. This morning, after successfully completing 1 yr and 2 days on bench, (Was planning a bash this weekend celebrating my 1st anniversary after tying the knot with the free pool of my company ;-) Now, that stands cancelled!!!! ) I got the news that i am put into a project - so here iam in office @ 4:20 pm - savouring every moment of my last day of unbridled freedom.......... Dunno what the job is like in the new project - neither am i aware of my role in the whole scheme of things - I had no choice really - after a year of dormancy - u cant expect the company to treat u lightly either - and yeah as a matter of fact they didnt - my manager was not at all appreciative of my accomplishment (what the **** - it was his job in the 1st place to ensure that the most valuable resource in the company was utilised in some way or the other ;-D ) 'nyways feel content after getting a piece of his mind ........ :-) long time since i got a thrashing from someone heh :-D
Hoping that wk willl be good.............

17/09/2005
Bangalore

Before I brief you on my first experience in the world of projects, where you shall not voice your thoughts or raise your voice or perform deeds that go against the very fabric of the organization, blah blah blah .…. and some more ……. blah blah……….. , I would like to introduce you to certain “technical terms and expressions” used in the context stated below.

(i) Crapometer – a small heart shaped instrument that sends alarm signals of high intensity on encountering corporate parlance which in normal terms would translate to ultimate bullshit!
(ii) You switch yourself into
1. Silent mode - when
a.) Your team lead starts blabbering nonsense about the scope and extend of the project / problem in hand, and how he expects you to realize the value and importance of your efforts with regards to the same…… Well, on second thoughts you can just ignore the previous sentence if you find it too boring just as I did! :-D
b.) On encountering - “Any doubts???” What else do you expect after an hour of post lunch presentation describing the design and salient features of the “testing tool” you are destined to sleep with ;-) (oops, …….. I mean spend the whole night with…… ahem how shall I put it – well guess u all got the point :-D)

2. Vibrator mode – when
a.) You are forced to spend an afternoon in the server room (which by the way could serve the dual purpose of storing fresh meat for a week) – simply because your TL wants you to get first hand knowledge of what a Blade Server “looks” like!!!
b.) You are seething with anger and frustration on hearing your brain dead TL passing comments like “Do you realize what a big blunder you have made???” – demanding a response of the form HEY DUDE, CHILLLLL!!!!!! I WAS NOT BORN AND BROUGHT UP ON (The name of my project comes here) – OK!!!!! THIS IS JUST MY FIRST DAY!!!!!!! But no – Vibrator mode demands you to be on “Silent” too……..!@#$% :-((
3. Outdoors – when
You are finally out of office after a grueling days work! “Yipppeeeee yeyeyeye oyye oyye oooooooooooo :-D hooooo hooooooo”
(iii) CD : Cool Dude! (You know who ;-))

Day 1 : Tuesday Sep 13, 2005 (Profile: Silent)
CD walks into office with a heavy heart and a sullen face to be greeted by a grinning bald headed dud - none other than his TL. Very enthusiastically he begins explaining about the project which comes out to be a tool that helps sharing of files in huge servers apparently used extensively in large firms. Our role as part of the offshore team would be to test whether all features of its GUI component is working properly.

Post lunch – this guy is still explaining……… and then,
TL : “Hey have you seen a Blade Server?”
CD : (rather sheepishly) Nope.
TL : “Well its amaaaaazzzinnnnggggg you know,……….it is so gorgeous,…….it’s one of the most popular products of our company”
CD : back to Silent mode
(Call me a pervert, but I seriously don’t understand how people manage to relate a machine that doesn’t remotely resemble a cute lass to be “amaaazzzinnggg , awesssssommmmeee and gooorrrrgeousss…..”)
TL: “Come to the server room, I ll show you….”
CD: switches to vibrator mode
After a while ……….
Trrrrrriiiiiiiinnngggg Schreeeeeeeeeeeeeccccch ……… Bhhoooooommmm
(That was my crapometer blowing to bits – reason “Extreme Overload”)
The day ends on a note of deep anguish……… :-( :-8 :-(

Day 2 : Wednesay Sep 14, 2005
TL : “Today, you will learn how to start and setup the server for performing test cases…”
CD: (though a bit apprehensive) hmmm finally, I ll be doing something worthwhile in my company
An hour later,
TL : “Hey this is the most simple procedure we have with us and u stil have managed to mess it up???? Do you realize what a big blunder you have made?????”
CD :() Grrrrrrrrr (Seething with anger…..) X-(

Post lunch:
CD comes across a couple of team mates hunched over a laptop discussing excitedly about something.
TMs: “Ohhh ultimate, sexy, mannnnn!!!!”
CD: Eyes light up! With all senses alert, …. Moves on to check out the image that has captivated their hearts……. Ends up staring at the picture of an “Apple iPod Nano” that’s just the size of a mobile fone.

Well if any of you share the same feelings of surprise and regret of having wasted the effort of walking up to the next cubicle to catch a glimpse of a board full of electrons that can sing, welll my advice for you – Wake up into the world of techno freaks – or be left out in the process.... :-(

Guys, there comes my TL with the ever enthusiastic smile on his face (read – grinning ugly piece of scum ;-) ) Gosh, its 10pm what are u doin still in office ? Hey man, … you have a life, …… and more importantly, you have a wife ………… waiting for you at home ;-) heheheh,…..

Should stop this right here if iam not to get caught with this…..

PS : The characters and plots depicted above are partly fictional – author advises you to take everything with a pinch of salt…. ;-D

Ok guys,
More from me later,
Neo

Hello World

1,2,3......testing testing........hello hello - seems alright!

So, here I go my first plunge into blogosphere :-)
I'm a bit confused right now, typin away on my laptop, where is this all heading?? Rather, where am I heading?........Oh hooo, seems too philosophical a start, we all know where this is heading - (yeah, to the meaning of life of course! :-D At least thats where the greater majority of the species led by Plato are headed for..........) Am not that serious a guy, so obviously the start doesnt suit me!

Maybe i ll just start off plain and straight with my 1st experience in the corporate world (Dont be mistaken - i'm no corporate honcho, just a poor lisltless soul in the midst of an ennui, hopin against hope that it ll all be washed away by a fairy god mother who would come up early in the morning, sometime next month with the news : "Congrats, U've made it to IIMA" :-D)